


Forgive me Father

by Soldier2099



Category: Daredevil (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: Catholic Guilt, Catholicism, M/M, Priests, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:27:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22314793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soldier2099/pseuds/Soldier2099
Summary: Father Lantom is leaving St. Patrick's and a new priest is taking his place.Father Castle.Matt's not entirely wrecked.
Relationships: Frank Castle/Matt Murdock
Comments: 25
Kudos: 49





	1. Bless Me, Father

Father Lantom was finally being moved, he was needed in another parish and the bishop was appointing a new priest to St. Patrick's. Matt would miss him, he'd always given great advice and an ear to listen, especially when others wouldn't. But God has a different plan for him, and Matt would be the last to get in the way of that. 

Matt clenched his staff with a grip hard enough to prevent himself from a distraught facial expression. He wouldn't be emotional, he couldn't. This would pass; he could always still go visit him, it's not like he was moving out of state. 

"Matthew." Father Lantom placed a firm hand on Matt's shoulder, "You'll enjoy the priest that replaces me. I know you will." Matt didn't seem to be reassured. "He's a young man, strong in his faith, extremely smart. I think you'll like the change, you won't have to bring your modern problems to a wrinkly old man anymore." 

A chuckle from Matt and Father Lantom smiled fondly. Matt rested a hand over the one on his shoulder, lifting his head up. "Thank you Father, I'm so thankful that God put you in my life… you've done so much for me." His bottom lip quivered and he sank his teeth into it, forcing it to stop. 

"You've always been a soft one, my boy." Father Lantom wrapped his arms around Matt, rubbing a few circles into his back. It was just the two of them, so Matt's sniffles seemed loud in the nave, "I'm not crying." Matt whispered, willing it to be a reality. 

"Of course you're not." the priest pulled away, keeping his hands on Matt's shoulders, "Pray with me once more?" Matt nodded then tilted his head down. 

"Dear Lord Almighty, we come to you today wishing to have a healthy farewell. Although I'm physically leaving, protect and watch over Matthew. Aid him in the choices he makes and the people he befriends. Be with the priest, Father Castle, who replaces me. Guide him in his teachings and advice, help him to help Matthew. Allow him to be a beacon to this church and inspire that in others. Help Matthew strive to be closer to you, and please you. And in Jesus name I pray, Amen."

"Amen…" Matt lifted his head and smiled, "Thank you, Father." 

"Prepared for your confession?" Father Lantom took Matt's arm and guided him to the confessional booth, pulling aside the curtain for him. 

Matt nodded in a stiffened manner, "Yes father." He then entered the booth and sat down, leaving his walking staff outside of the space. 

"I will not disturb." Father Lantom stepped away, closing the curtain to give Matt privacy. 

"Father?" Matt raised an eyebrow, tilting his head towards the other side of the booth. A larger figure swept aside the curtain and stepped in, filling the space. "Hello Matthew." A voice rumbled. 

Matt shivered in acknowledgement, "You're Father Castle, right?" It's not how he expected to first meet him, in the confessional booth, where there is no way he'd get a positive first impression of Matt. 

"That's correct. Father Lantom has spoken to me about you. Are you ready?" He spoke with care and authority. 

Matt fidgeted with the ends of his sleeves then used his hand to create the sign of the cross and was about to begin but ate his words before he could let them out. He sat there, frozen, Father Lantom knew much about him as the devil, they never spoke about it explicitly but although indirect, it was clear. Yes, Castle was a priest, but even men of god can be untrustworthy.

"Whenever you're ready Matthew." No judgement in Castle's voice, only patience. Now the previous thoughts only served to make Matt guilty. If Lantom could trust him, so could he. But still, it wouldn't hurt to be cautious.

"Bless me father, for I have sinned. It has been 17 days since my last confession." He rubbed the palm of his hand over his knuckles. "I made an innocent man bleed… I didn't know at first that he was innocent… or what I was really doing. Normally I'm good at telling, but this time I was wrong." Matt exhaled, biting off some of the skin from his bottom lip, causing it to bleed. "I'm afraid when I find myself trying to rationalize it afterwards, I used several different things to do so-" he licked his lips, "My faith, my hatred for evil, my disdain for any kind of sin even though I sin as well- I've never thought like this." 

"The world is full of evil, people disregarding morals. You cannot allow yourself to become that. Allow these thoughts to only be thoughts, it is dangerous when you carry them out. Let them be thoughts and let them disappear." 

"How? I've only started thinking this way, but it feels a lifetime." 

"When you have these thoughts, ask yourself what caused them. Ask yourself what God thinks of it. God will give you guidance."

"Father, an answer is what I need." 

The priest paused, "It will come, with prayer and thought on your own part. Refrain yourself from carrying out these thoughts, use your hands to honor God."

Matt leaned against the wall separating him and the priest, closing his eyes. He knew Castle was just as qualified, but he didn't know Matt. On a personal level, he wouldn't be able to understand yet. There was no point in continuing, "Thank you Father, may you pray with me?" 

Father Castle led him through prayer then completed the confession and was first to step out. It was a relatively quick confession and Matt blanked out for the latter portion. He stayed in a moment more, dreading stepping out and giving Castle a face to put to the terrible person he heard in the box. 

He forced himself to exit, considering running for the door but instead stepped out with his head hung. Castle was already there and noticed his demeanor immediately. "Head up, Murdock, there is nothing to be ashamed of." 

Father Lantom joined and placed a hand on his Matt's shoulder, "This is just another trial Matthew, you will soon be out of it." Being treated like some broken doll was the opposite of what Matt wanted, he knew there was no judgement, but feeling both of their gazes directed on sorely him was overwhelming. 

"Thank you Father." He smiled, lifting his head up and straightening his posture, "We didn't get to formally meet." He held a hand out in Castle's direction. "Matthew Murdock." 

"Father Frank Castle, pleasure." He smiled, taking his hand and shaking with care. That was totally on purpose, and Matt honestly couldn't blame him because he winced. He hadn't taken care of his roughed up knuckles and the skin was tender. 

Castle flipped his hand on it's palm to inspect his knuckles, silent long enough to make Matt anxious. "I can help." He turned to Lantom, "May I?" 

"Of course, Matthew needs all the help he can get."

Matt shot a pained look in the direction of Lantom's voice, "I'm not helpless, please, Father Castle barely knows me, I don't need this." 

"It is perfectly fine to ask for help, Matthew." Castle took hold of his arm and led him to one of the rooms in the back of the church. Matt allowed himself to be pulled, still working through how he was going to change Castle's perception of him already. They settled in a room Matt was familiar with, having stayed there for a while once before, it still had that moldy smell.

Castle brought him to sit on a bench near one of the windows while he got to work gathering supplies to clean Matt's knuckles. Matt folded up his walking stick and placed it on the windowsill. This corner was a favorite of his, there was enough space to sit right near the window, feel the faint breeze through the cracks, the warmth. He was brought out of reminiscing when a glass bowl full of water was placed on the windowsill, much louder than his thoughts. Hating himself for visibly flinching he opened his mouth to defend himself, "That was loud and uncalled for." 

There was a silence of misunderstanding and a confused expression, "I apologize." Castle whispered simply then sat down next to him on the bench. Did he expect Matt to just give over his hand? There were times he wanted to scream because of how frustrated he was being treated like some sort of injured animal, needing to be led and helped with minor tasks.

But it was even more painful to let Castle patiently wait on Matthew, though it was probably because he felt guilty for upsetting Matt earlier. He gave in and placed his hand in Castle's lap. "I hate silence even more." Now even he thought he sounded like a petty brat. 

Castle chuckled, wholeheartedly and all, a nice chuckle. "I have plenty of scripture memorized if that's what you'd like." He handled Matt's hand with care, laying it palm down onto his own hand. Castle dipped a cloth into the warm soap water and went to work cleaning the area around the cloth. There was no rush, although it was getting late.

"Well I'd like to know you, and I'd like you to know that I'm not a terrible person. Or at least I try not to be." Matt spread his fingers over the rough skin of Castle's palm, wondering how it'd feel to run his fingers up his arm. He was quick to disapprove of the thought with a frown. 

"You are not a terrible person, I don't believe anyone is. We just do terrible things." Castle brushed his fingertips across Matt's wrist, moving meticulously from knuckle to knuckle with the warm cloth. 

"And what terrible things do you do?" Matt whispered, putting his elbow on the windowsill so he could rest his head on his free hand.

Castle stopped working and lifted his head up to face Matt. "I used to do terrible things, I'm not that person anymore." 

Not many things scare Matt, and this didn't too much either; but the way Castle's presence shifted, became menacing and larger, was something he did not want to feel again. "Sorry." Matt breathed, "We don't have to talk about that… Father." He stiffened the hand Castle was holding.

"It's alright, I'm held up to a certain standard." He continued working, closer into the areas with open skin. "I will say despite being a priest, I have issues with fully forgiving people. It's always been tough. But even simply admitting it is a step. That's all I'll say for now."

"Thank you for sharing Father." Matt was still processing what he just said while chewing his bottom lip. Most of the time he wouldn't notice until he bit down hard or tasted blood, it was a nervous tendency. 

Castle set aside the wet cloth in favor for a dry one, ghosting it over his knuckles with care before he bandaged his hand up. The repeated movement of wrapping the bandage, around and around… and around was pleasant. Matt lulled his head towards the window, enjoying the routine. Moments like this were rare, where there were no loud sounds, only a soft atmosphere. No smells were too adamant and no presence unwelcomed.

"Matthew." There was a hand, supporting the bottom of his chin and a presence leaning into his space. While he should be startled, Matt was calm and soaked the touch up, losing sense of where he was and who he was with. A thumb swiped at his bottom lip, "You're bleeding here too." 

"Oh." Matt fixed his posture and straightened his back, taking the wrist of the priest and shying away. "Sorry that's a habit." The euphoric feeling was gone.

Regarding Matt's apparent discomfort, Castle pulled back. "No need to apologise. I'm done bandaging your hand, keep it out of harm's way." 

"Thank you, Father." Matt whispered then bit down on his lip. He realized as soon as he did and forced himself to stop, now that the priest was aware as well. Castle picked up the damp cloth, "I'm going to clean your lips, if that's alright. I'd like if you'd make an effort to stop." Matt nodded and leaned forward so that Castle had easy access. The priest cupped his hand around Matt's chin to hold his head steady and dabbed the cloth against Matt's bottom lip, wiping away the blood. "I know habits are not easy… to dispose of." Matt bathed in the comfort of Castle's soft voice, his lips automatically parting. "But I think…" his thumb shifted, "If everytime you go to hurt your lip, you think of your… future wife… or present wife…" Castle placed the cloth back into the bowl of water. "And think of how it may bother them… while kissing you or… even if they just don't want to see you bleed." He pinched the sides of Matt's glasses to adjust them and prevent them from sliding down his nose. "I think that'd be helpful." 

"I… agree." Matthew breathed, his eyelids were weighted down. "Thank you Father… for everything." He leaned back against the wall and yawned, "But I don't have a wife." 

Castle smiled before he allowed himself to, "That's why I said future wife."

Matt dragged a lazy hand down his face, "The horror…" he joked then let out too long of a laugh that teetered softer towards the end. He wasn't aware that Castle had gotten up until a folded pillow and blanket was placed into his lap.

"I think it's best if you nap here or stay for the night. You look exhausted, but it's up to you, I'll be in my quarters if you need anything."

"This isn't the first time I've slept here… in Church." Matt shucked off his suit jacket and placed it on the windowsill then had trouble kicking off his shoes. 

"I'll see you tomorrow, or another time. God be with you, Matthew." Castle turned on his heel and walked out of the room. 

Matt took off his glasses and folded them with care before placing them on top of his suit jacket. He ran his hand over the bandage on his hand then pressed his fingers to his lips. Might have just been because he was sleeping in the church or the reassurance of a good priest, but he had a feeling there'd be minimal tossing and turning tonight. 

He had to admit, he wasn't too bothered by the priest replacing Father Lantom.


	2. Blessed Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Father Castle becomes more interested in finding out who Matt really is. 
> 
> Matt rests for once.

"I wouldn't want to wake him, God knows he needs his rest." Father Lantom kept his voice to a whisper. 

"But I wouldn't want him to be late for work… or anything that he has to do. And I believe he'd like to give you a proper goodbye." Father Castle rested his hand on the door handle, leaning against it. 

Lantom smiled but shook his head, "No, no… I feel it is best for me to get going, we had enough of a goodbye yesterday. I know he favors me, I don't know that I want to see him cry again. Although he doesn't admit to it." 

Frank smiled for just a moment but it soon faltered, "I know I probably shouldn't, but I'm concerned. Might I ask if you know how he gets so roughed up? Even after taking care of his hands I saw a few scars on his arms." 

"He indulges in physical activities." Father Lantom shrugged, folding his arms together. "You should probably go wake him, I'll be on my way." 

"Lantom." Castle stood his ground, knitting his eyebrows together. "I know you know what's going on. If I am to be the priest of this church I should know as well."

Lantom opened his mouth to speak then shut it, returning the frown now. He yanked Castle's arm, bringing him away from the door of Matt's room and towards the confession booth. "This. This is why I will not tell you." Every word was stressed in a serious manner, "What I know is between God, Matthew and I. I appreciate your concern, but until he is personally ready you will not force him to tell you. God will make sure that he does when it's time, but right now is not that time. You are a young priest, do not invalidate my years of study by assuming your judgement over mine."

Castle glanced anywhere but Lantom's eyes, "I… I apologise, I shouldn't have overstepped my boundaries. Truly, I'm sorry." 

Lantom closed his eyes and exhaled, "My boy… I know you mean well, Matthew has already grown fond of you. There are others in the church who need your guidance, think of them as well." 

"Thank you, Father." He placed a hand on his own chest, leaning forward. "I'm going to check on Matthew, God bless you." It was early in the morning, around eight o'clock, Castle had no idea what time Matthew normally got up, but he wanted to let him rest as much as possible. 

With a brief knock, Castle walked into the room and momentarily stopped, not daring to step any closer. Matt was shirtless, probably got tired of how warm the room was, but he was laying on his stomach and the blanket had fallen down closer to his him. Seeing a man half naked wasn't what bothered Castle, it was the numerous scars decorating Matt's back. "My Lord thou art in-" Castle whispered, astounded. He stepped forward to get a closer look, he couldn't tell what the scars were from and had no idea how a man such as Matt could acquire such vicious marks. What kind of life did Matt live? The confession earlier discussed violence Matthew brought to others, but he couldn't even see. Castle knelt down on his knees next to Matt, scanning his eyes over the expanse of Matt's back. He held a hand over the man's back, ghosting over the scars, "Oh Matthew…" he mistakenly let his hand brush against the bottom of his back.

Matthew erupted, wakened by the slightest touch, he scrambled to sit up and held up his hands in front of his head in defense. "Wh-what who?" He mumbled incoherently. Castle fell back, "Mattew- Matthew it's Father Castle."

Matt's chest shuddered and he tilted his head towards him, mouth open to allow him to breathe easier. "Father- God…" he deflated and leaned back against the window, "Sorry… reflexes." Castle got on his feet wiping his hands on his cloak, "It's quite alright, I'm sorry for startling you." 

Reaching for his glasses, Matt offered a weak smile, "It's hard to startle me… hope that means something." He slipped on the glasses then sat up, more alert. "I'm sorry, what's the time?" 

Castle glanced away from Matt's chest to look at his watch, "Five minutes to nine." He made a small "o" with his mouth, looking back at how Matt's face crumbled into a guilty expression. "Oh shi-" he got up, feeling around for his shirt on the floor. The priest was quick to hand it to him and Matt shot a quick smile before shrugging it on and beginning to button it up. 

"Wait-" Castle stepped forward and grabbed the shirt, pulling it off. 

"What?" Matt stepped back, frozen in place, hand flying to grab Castle's.

"It's inside out." The priest hummed an amused tone then fixed the shirt and put it back onto Matthew while he let his head lull to the side, facing down. "Now you can button it up."

Matt smiled wide but hid his teeth then stepped back from Castle and buttoned up his dress shirt. 

"How'd you sleep?" Castle asked, picking up Matt's walking stick and unfolding it. 

"Not bad actually… for once." 

Right now would be the time to ask about who Matt really is but oddly, Castle felt it was overstepping boundaries even though he was aware of the intense feeling he had that Matt was hiding something, something worth hiding. "That's good." Is how Castle chose to answer. 

After Matthew finished getting dressed, the priest handed him his staff. "I have things I'd like to ask you when you have time Matthew."

"Oh." Matt gripped the staff, "Anything you need to say right now?" He placed both hands on his walking stick.

"No don't worry, nothing too bad, you're not in any trouble. I assume you have places to be, I don't want to keep you." 

"Yeah I'm a lawyer."

"I know." 

"You do?" 

"Yes I do."

"Oh." Matt stood in the doorway for a moment, "I'll see you then, Father." 

"God bless." 

Matt smiled then turned to leave, taking large strides, he was quite late to work. 

Castle watched him walk out then closed the door and the sound of his exhale filled the room. He slugged over to the bench near the window and sat down, placing his elbows on his knees and folding his hands so that he could press his forehead to them. "Oh Lord…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smaller chapter with small interactions! Hope you guys enjoy these moments before I introduce Foggy and Karen! 
> 
> Let me know what you think! <3 kudos and comments are much appreciated!


	3. Donuts and Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt struggles with being a good lawyer and friend while Frank tries to be a good priest.

A brisk winter wind assaulted Matt as soon as he flung himself outside of the church doors. The cold caused him to shiver but he inhaled deeply, enjoying the fresh smell. As he walked, staff tapping against the ground, he thought of the new priest. He was incredibly young, but that didn't make him unwise, he smelled modern. Listen, most priests smelled like Grandpas and smell is important. Castle carried the scent of pine trees, a lot of them, strong and sturdy, just as he was. In his faith… and build. Matt could sense the amount of space he took up, his presence spoke enough that he didn't have to speak. His hands were that of a working man, yet Matt craved to know more. How his facial structure was built, he knew he had very little hair, it barely made a sound. 

His phone pulled him out of his head and he stopped, fumbling around in his pocket. Once found, he pulled it out and pressed it to his ear, "Hello?" 

"Matthew? It's Karen, I'm hoping you just overslept, are you coming in today?" Her voice was ever so sweet. 

"Yeah, yeah of course. Sorry- I slept over at the church-" 

"At the church?" Karen giggled, "Catholics…" she turned to tell Foggy why he was late and a groan was heard on the other side of the line.

"Yeah." Matt hummed, "There's a new priest now…" 

"Oh, oh I'm sorry Matt, Lantom is gone then?"

"He is." Matt continued walking, phone sandwiched in between his cheek and shoulder. "But the new priest seems to be good, he's very nice… good company even."

Karen stayed quiet for a moment, "Are you gonna tell him about…" 

"I don't know." Matt's face fell, "As good as he is, I think I already made a bad impression. He saw my messed up hands… and…" he paused, contemplating whether or not to say the next part out loud. No. "I don't know." 

"Lantom could take it, I'm sure he could too." 

"Yeah but that's different- he's more than a priest to me." 

Karen sighed, "Yeah I know, but I wouldn't stop yourself from letting him be more than a priest also." 

Matt had to physically stop when she said that, he knew that's not what she meant and was even surprised by his own reaction. "Yeah… yeah I won't. Thank you Karen, I'll see you in a few."

"See you." 

He tried to avoid talking about the new priest, he really did. Buying donuts for Karen and Foggy should've been enough to distract them or even let them know he'd rather not talk about why he was late. Obviously, he was wrong to think giving food to two curious people would make them any less curious. 

"So…" Karen gulped down a chunk of rich chocolate donut. 

"Karen." Matt slouched at his desk, sinking into the chair. "I got the donuts for a reason." 

Karen grinned while chewing, "I know you did, thank you." She leaned down to kiss his cheek. He sank down even further and she laughed. 

Foggy leaned against Matt's desk, "Are you finally taking care of yourself Matt?" He devoured half a donut in a single bite. Wow.

"What do you mean?" Matt grasped the arm chairs and pushed himself up to sit like a normal person. 

"Your hand, it's bandaged up for once." He finished the donut. 

It was, but not because Matt necessarily cared too much, he could get away with enough as a blind man. "I didn't do this, Father Castle insisted."

There was a shift in the direction of Foggy's body, turning towards Karen. Matt knew there was some type of surprised, smug expression on his face right now. "Wait-" Foggy turned back to Matt, "I thought you told Karen you didn't tell him."

"I didn't- also I don't know how much that actually concerns you. I think I'd be perfectly fine if I told him and that decision is up to me." Matt ran his unbandaged hand over his treated one. 

Foggy sighed, "We don't have to get into this, I know." He lifted himself off the desk, "I'm just trying to look out for you bud, that's all Karen and I try to do."

"I get that… and I appreciate it, I really do." He let his head lull from side to side, contemplating his next move. "Anyways want to verify me on the case we just got ahold of?"

Foggy nodded, mouthful of donut, "Yeah." His voice was muffled and he briefly walked out of the room to grab his laptop. Karen pulled up a chair to Matt's desk and placed her elbows on the edge, leaning forward. After a few seconds of silence Matt let out a small "ah."

"You want to say something don't you." 

She shrugged, picking up a pencil and sticking the eraser end up against her top lip, "We're allowed to worry about you from time to time."

"You know what I'm capable of, Karen." He broadened his shoulders, mimicking her posture by leaning forward. "You know who I am." He spoke with his hands.

"Yes. That doesn't change anything." 

No, he wouldn't allow himself to get frustrated, there was no reason to be. Why now did it seem he already had something to go to confession for. Maybe he should get a therapist. He remained silent until Foggy re-entered the room.

Matthew did his best to be attentive and retain as much information about the case as he could. The bandage became incredibly itchy and he couldn't help himself from picking at it as he offered jumbled responses to Foggy's recommendation on how to go on about the case. 

"She claims that he is using the money for personal interests but it will be tough regardless to prove in court." Foggy read over some notes, picking through trying to find useful information.

"Which it will probably end up being a case in court because this priest has denied the use of church funds and tithes several times, according to the client. If what she says is true, it's going to be difficult." Karen added.

Matt spent too much time nodding, "Also…" he chewed his bottom lip, "The court recognizes that men in church positions are usually more prone to live a life of…" he drew out the word, "... High morals." 

"Until priests get handsy with children." Foggy scoffed shaking his head, "or money." 

This is what brought Matt's full attention to the words coming out of Foggy's mouth. "Don't be like that, Foggy…" 

Karen scrunched up her lips, "He's got a point." 

"They're not all like that, come on-" 

"I will say this, with each passing year there are more and more cases of priests in particular abusing their power and status- but that's not what we're talking about." 

Matt's face visibly tightened and he prepared himself to respond.

"You know what, we've been discussing this for a while, let's break then we can talk about a few different approaches." Foggy gathered his papers he had laid out on Matt's desk and compiled them into a folder. 

Not being able to respond, Matt stood up and grabbed his cane, whipping it open. He grabbed his wallet then shoved it in his pocket, ignoring Karen and Foggy's gaze on him. Although he didn't have a plan on where he was going, he walked with purpose out of the office, not caring to listen in on their whispers. 

***

"I just can't seem to stop thinking about him, like it-" the man scratched the back of his head then ran his fingers through his hair. "Oh God forgive me." His voice quivered, the guilt consumed him well enough that he couldn't bear to look at the small rays of light coming through from the other side of the booth. 

"Pray to God, ask him to get rid of these feelings, they're unnatural." Castle glanced at the man through the tiny holes in the small section of the wall that divided them. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back against the wall, "Sin is sin." 

"But I care so much for him, I love him- God." The man gasped for breath, covering a hand over his nose and mouth. "Sorry, Father."

"David, you need to breathe. I understand what you're going through I-" Castle stopped himself, "I just understand, but God will help you through these tough… confusing times if only you let him." He looked down at the rings on his fingers, "You have to trust in him." 

The other side of the booth was quiet for a few minutes, only sniffles were heard. "You worked through these feelings?" The man asked hopelessly with a hint of surprise.

Castle looked from side to side, mouthing a few things while he debated on how to answer, "Yes, and now I'm doing a lot better, be strong in your faith and relief will follow." He shut his eyes, placing a hand on his stomach, it's been a while since he had knots and stomach full of nervousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter felt a bit all over the place but I needed to introduce some... Drama. 
> 
> They're both going to be difficult for a while, I'll tell you that much. 
> 
> Kudos and comments are very much appreciated!!!


	4. Questionable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Real short one. 
> 
> Matt goes back to church because he's a good Catholic and he's frustrated. 
> 
> Castle's got beefy arms.

"Back so soon?" Castle sat down in the pew in front of Matt.

Matt stiffened, clutching his folded up walking stick. "Yes." He responded simply, chewing on his bottom lip as he searched for the words to say. He knew he needed the Priest's guidance, he never enjoyed cases that involved the church. It felt personal and that wasn't how cases were supposed to be. He shuddered when he realized Castle's eyes had been on him for a moment, attempting to make sense of Matt's state. Don't get up, whatever you do, don't. 

The priest stood then joined Matt in his pew, leaving a bit of space between them. "What's wrong, Matthew?"

He spoke like he genuinely cared, well he had to. He was a priest and that was part of his job. Knowing that, it should be hard to push Matt to confide in the man. Right?

"I'm a lawyer."

"Yes."

"Right."

Matt turned his body to mirror Castle's posture and face him. "I'm taking on a case that involves the church, obviously I'm not going to speak too much about it… but it feels like a personal attack and I've been questioning the actions and motives of people within the church." 

"That's entirely alright, it's healthy to be questionable from time to time." 

Matt pressed his lips together and let his head tilt down, running his fingertips up and down his folded staff. "Do you ever?" 

Castle raised an eyebrow, folding his hands together, "Ever what?" 

"Question?"

Matt already knew the answer, now it was just a matter of how the Priest would admit to it.

"Yes… I often go to God to resolve conflicts." He glanced over at the man sitting in one of the front pews. "It's helpful."

The lawyer relaxed his form, leaning back into the pew. "I should be at the office right now…" he chuckled then pressed a hand to his forehead and dragged it down his face, slow, digging into his skin. "I don't know why I came." 

"You needed a break and some help, it's alright." Castle paused, "It's lunchtime, are you hungry?"

"Lunch?" Matt laughed a little then frowned, "What- are you offering?"

"I get the sense there's a lot on your mind. We could talk."

Matt kept the confused look then let out another laugh, "Sorry- I just-" he bit his lip then continued laughing, "I don't know why for a second I just thought you didn't eat-"

Castle seemed amused enough by his laughter, returning a crooked smile, "You thought I just stayed in the church all the time?"

"No- yes. I don't know- it was a dumb thought I just thought it was kinda funny." Oh god, Matt shut up, he mentally slapped himself. Repeatedly. "Sorry my brain right now- stressed." He covered his smile with a hand then nodded, "Okay, I'll come with you." 

Castle seemed pleased enough by the response and got to his feet, Matt followed, unfolding his walking stick. An elbow poked Matt's arm and he slipped a hand around Castle's bicep. Alright listen… 

What the hell did the priest need to be working out for? Of course Matt was aware he's an actual human being- but damn. Matt squeezed, as if it were possible to feel his skin underneath the fabric. "I uh, do you have anywhere in mind? To eat?" Matt asked. 

"There's a diner nearby, is that alright?"

Stop. Right now. No way he was going to eat with the priest like this. By no means was it… well- a date. But he only met him a day ago. There were nothing but good intentions but that didn't suggest a good outcome. Matt had had feelings for men in the past… especially college. It never fully ended, there just had been no one around who interested him. Unfortunately, that might change. Fu-

"Sounds good to me." 

"Great."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's real short but I don't really have time to post but I wanted to put something here. 
> 
> Next one will be longer!
> 
> As always, kudos and comments are what keeps me going!


	5. The Way You Say 'Bacon'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt likes the sound of Castle's voice. 
> 
> They talk. 
> 
> They eat.

"Are you sure you don't need the menu read to you? It's no trouble, really." Castle offered, menu in hand. 

Matt sat on his hands and leaned forward with a smile, "Really it's…" he tilted his head to the side. The sound of Castle's voice wasn't that bad… actually it was quite the opposite. "Yeah, please. Go ahead."

Castle opened up the menu and began listing off lunch items, he had brought Matt to a small diner and against Matt's will, offered to pay. They'd have to talk about that again when the bill came. 

For now, Matt could relish in the sound of Castle's voice. Blocking out everything else, he honed in on the rumble and soft roughness of his voice. Soothing in a jagged-rock-polished-kind-of-way. Loud enough to keep him up but he could also see himself falling asleep to it. A perfect sense of tranquility. He had to laugh at the way he described it in his head, Castle was only reading a menu. That was the reality, nothing special, he told himself. 

"Something funny?" It wasn't accusatory in any way, but Matt was still caught off guard by Castle noticing his surpressed laugh. 

"No uh-" he answered in a sheepish smile, "The way you said bacon was funny-" What did that even mean? God, for a lawyer he was terrible about coming up with things on the spot. 

"Do I say it in a weird way?" 

"No, no- no I didn't mean it like that. I like it." 

"Bacon? Do you want-" 

"No it's just the way you said it." 

"Bacon."

"Yes." 

There was a short stillness, neither knew what just happened or what it meant or what to do now. 

"Uhm. Thanks. I know what I want now." 

"Alright, no problem." Castle folded up the menu and put it to the side before leaning back. It felt like forever until the waitress arrived, they sat in silence. Leaving enough time - it never took long - for Matt to overanalyze the situation. He slouched in his booth, wishing to be consumed and leave the priest.

"Good day y'all." The waitress clicked her tongue and cocked her hip. "Oh and, Father." She acknowledged. 

"Ma'am." Castle smiled. 

"What drinks can I get ya?" 

"Coffee." Matt lifted his head up. 

"The same." Castle agreed. 

"Cream?" The waitress wrote down a few words.

"Straight black for me." Matt answered. 

"I'll take some cream, thank you." 

"Alrighty… do y'all know what you want to eat?" 

"Mhm. I'll take the Cobb salad, extra chicken." Matt replied politely. 

The waitress scribbled a few things down then turned to Castle. "And for you, Father?" 

"A BLT, with extra, slightly burnt bacon, I like it crunchy." Matt could feel Castle glance at him when he said 'bacon'. He did not just order that to get a reaction out of Matt, that's just… well. 

"Alright… I'll be back with your coffee soon." The waitress walked off. 

Silence for a moment again until Castle cleared his throat, "How's your hand doing?" 

Matt ran a hand over the bandage, it was still fairly tight. He made a fist, there wasn't much pain. There always was pain but it's better that usual. "It's good." 

“That’s good.”

Another pause. "How's the lawyer life?" 

At this, Matt let out an exasperated groan, holding his head in his hands dramatically. "Well I told you about the case we just picked up, and that pretty much sums it up. It's been a lot lately. A lot of testing myself honestly." He chuckled, "I was so naive in college… thinking I could be a good and just lawyer all the time. At times it feels like I'm a snake using an unjust law to fight for what I think is justice." 

The waitress set two cups of coffee down and some cream, "There you go boys, food'll be out soon." She chirped. 

Castle thanked her then poured some cream in his coffee, adding a bit of sugar which was already on the table. "I think it's a test of your faith. Why'd you become a lawyer, Matthew?" 

"To help the ones who need it the most, to fight for what's right. Y'know…" he sipped his black coffee, "... Kids dreams…" 

"Sounds completely valid to me."

"Well it doesn't feel particularly good when I have to read in between the lines of the law to get the outcome I want." 

"And what is it that you want?" 

"The right outcome. Justice." 

Frank hummed in approval, leaning back and crossing his arms. Soaking in Matt's presence and deciding how he felt about it. "You're a good man, Matthew." 

Matt picked at the bandages wrapped around his knuckles, "I try…" he hid his bandaged hand when he noticed what he was doing. When he was reposed he asked, "You told me that it was tough forgiving people… but you're a priest. How do you deal with that?" 

Castle sipped his coffee turning the liquid around in his mouth a few times with his tongue. "Well, I take it as a trial from God. I've wanted to be a priest for a while, I thought while studying I'd get better at it. I never have."

Matt stayed silent, thinking over the answer. "So when I confess to you and God…" 

Castle leaned forward and took Matt's hand, "Listen, I don't want this to discourage you from letting everything out during confession. You can't hold onto those sins alone. I have my personal trials, we all do. But I assure you-" he gripped Matt's hand tighter, "You can tell me anything, I won't take my anger out on you." 

Hearing this did make Matt feel slightly better, he almost wanted to apologize for bringing up the subject though. Should he apologize or thank him? He didn't get to choose, instead pulling his hand away when he heard the waitress walking up to their table, two plates in hand. 

"Here you go, loves." She set down their food in front of them both. "Anything else I can get you?" 

Matt shook his head and Castle answered verbally, "No thanks ma'am." 

After she walked off, Castle leaned back. "I'm human just like you. I have my own baggage." 

Not wanting the conversation to go any further, Matt put on a smile and picked up a piece of Frank's bacon, eating it. "Let's eat, I'm starving."

"Ah- ah- pray first." He took one of Matt's hands again and closed his eyes. "Dear Father, bless over this meal and thank you for bringing Matthew to join me today. May our time together bring new awareness and glorify you. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen." When he opened his eyes, their faces were closer from when he had closed them. He instinctively brought up his free hand, hovering it next to Matt's cheek for a brief moment before he regained his composure, leaning back. "Thank you."

Castle averted his vision, zeroing in on his food and playing with his utensils. He had to eat because he was hungry, but he didn't care for enjoying it. They both sat in silence for a while until one of Matt's favorite personality traits creeped in: guilt. 

"So…" he inhaled a mouthful of salad so he had even more time to think of what to say. "What do you do in your free time?" 

"Study. Workout." Castle shrugged, "Not much to say. You?" 

Matt considered joking about being a vigilante but instead smiled, "Study. Workout." 

Castle chuckled, making circular motions with his coffee cup before downing the rest. "What lives we have." He snickered. 

What lives we have, Matt repeated in his head with a different context. Father Lantom knew about his late night activities, so to some degree, it was easy to talk about it. With Father Castle though, well, it'd probably be a while until he'd feel comfortable telling him.

"Something on your mind?" 

Matt jolted, "Yes." Damn him and his respect for authority. "I mean no, well- I'd be lying if I said there wasn't something constantly on my mind." 

"Well tell me one thing."

Matt stabbed a few pieces of lettuce, "Do I really have to pick one?" He responded dryly, munching on the lettuce. "I feel guilty." 

"For what?" 

"There's um…" he sipped his coffee, "This woman at work, Karen… we have a thing… sorta." 

"Oh?"

"I don't know what to make of it but I keep screwing things up, and I'm guilty for that. I just don't have time for a relationship. I'm not in the place for one."

Castle stared into Matt's glasses, then to his hair, then lips. "Then don't. Don't do anything with her. You two are co-workers, you need to be focused." 

"What about that future wife? The one I'm gonna stop busting my lip for?" Matt humored, pointing his index finger to his bottom lip.

Castle had to smile, "She'll come, I'm sure of it. Until then, you can always come to me and I'll fix you up."

Matt's arm stiffened, in fact, his whole body froze. Was that coming from Father Castle? Or Frank? "I… I wouldn't want to be a burden." He readjusted his glasses and licked his lips, "I can get pretty banged up." He huffed out a laugh. 

"I won't ask why, but I'll ask you to be more careful." 

"I'm blind, I run into things. People run into me. New York n' all." 

"Mhm." 

Matt nodded then averted all attention from Castle and towards his salad, scarfing it down. Castle joined him in eating, both of them starving. 

Matt put up a fight when the bill came, begging to pay at least half, he got Castle to let him pay 25%. Then his paranoia told him Castle was illegally using church funds to pay for his food. He told it to shut up.

"Next time I'm paying 75% and you can't do a thing about it." Matt insisted when they stepped out of the diner. 

"Next time?" He slipped his arm around Matt's so that he'd grab onto it. 

"Well, I did enjoy talking to you, if you feel the same then yes, next time." 

"Next time then." Castle approved, "Would you like me to walk you back to work? So you don't bump into anything?" He was teasing. The tone in his voice told Matt he didn't believe bumping into things and people was the source of his cuts and bruises. 

"I'm not helpless."

"Didn't say you were."

Matt pulled his arm away from Castle, stepping back. "Yeah, I think I'm going to go home. I can work from there. I wouldn't want to keep you away from the church."

"Matt- sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"Don't apologize, it only makes it worse."

"I understand."

They stood in silence for a few moments, Matt considered shooting back a remark but thankfully realized that's not what he wanted to do. Matt sighed then rested both hands on his walking staff, "You could walk me home… I have more I'd like to talk about."

Castle nodded, "I'd like to." He reclaimed Matt's arm, "Lead the way."

Matt answered with the tap of his cane, "What street is this?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you all think anything's going to happen soon between them... 
> 
> I apologise cause you're wrong. 
> 
> This was essentially calm before the storm.
> 
> Comments are so GREATLY appreciated!!! Thanks for all the kudos and comments this story has already gotten! Much love!

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I haven't written anything like this in a while so I'm rusty. 
> 
> Thought it would be interesting if Frank became a priest because I know in some comics it mentions that. He won't feel like the Frank you know at first... But I plan to further develop him. 
> 
> Let me know what you think!!! Or leave a critique!


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